The Intersection of Intimacy and Isolation | As the looming specter of a second lockdown draws near, one pivotal query persists: how do we navigate the intimate landscapes of our lives amid the demanding constraints of COVID?
Let’s face it: this isn’t the only question that’s been haunting us. However, considering the vital role that physical intimacy plays in our lives, especially in the context of this being a platform for discussing such matters, it is essential to explore the curious alliance between COVID and our sexual health.
The reality of the matter is that sex is both the barometer of our intimate relationships and the glue that binds lovers together.
You may be tempted to argue that a relationship is more than just sex, that it’s also about love, shared dreams, and maybe even raising a family. But before you discard this conversation with a click of the back button, humor me. Let’s delve deeper into this discussion.
Unveiling the Intricacies of Passion
As a pair, the assumption is that you’re in a loving and profound relationship with your significant other. The key difference between your bond and the ones you share with friends or family is the dance of desire that plays out between you two.
Your mutual passion is the adhesive that binds your relationship, transforming a simple connection into a romantic narrative filled with longing. Remove this passion and what are you left with? Deep affection, perhaps shared responsibilities, and maybe children. But is that enough?
Basic love solidifies a friendship, joint projects form a partnership, and shared kids make you parents. It’s the sexual fervor you harbor for each other that transforms these separate elements into a close-knit relationship, offering you the title, “a couple”.
Even for couples who, due to various reasons, mostly health-related, are unable to engage in an active sexual relationship, the argument holds. Passion and desire are the threads that weave their bond together.
For me, intimacy serves as a barometer for the health of a relationship. If sparks stop flying in the bedroom, it typically signals troubled waters in your relationship.
This isn’t about periods of forced abstention or temporary stress. It’s about the gradual wearing away of mutual desire.
Navigating The Lockdown Labyrinth
Recently, intimacy became a tricky issue for Aliki and me, and to be brutally honest, the problem was mine.
Work has been incredibly demanding recently (partly why it took me so long to pen down this post), and the dissolution of barriers between work and home isn’t exactly beneficial.
There seem to be no established norms around remote work as of now. Midnight messages, weekend emails, and virtual meetings encroaching lunch breaks show no signs of abating.
The aftermath? By 8 p.m., I am a spent force, with the couch appearing more energetic in comparison.
Eating seems like a chore, and stirring up the mood for intimacy is virtually impossible, be it slow romance or more adventurous exploits.
Closing my eyes for the night doesn’t bring restful slumber, but a deep sleep akin to a coma. If sex is the gauge of relationship health, we seem to be in immediate need of repair.
Are we allowed to let our sexual connection falter during a second lockdown? Indeed, I must say, my significant other, Aliki, has been nothing short of an angel throughout this trying time. She is a pillar of reassurance and understanding, constantly reminding me that this is just a phase. Her soothing words, “Don’t fret, my love, my desire for you hasn’t waned, and my love for you remains steadfast,” has been my comfort throughout.
Yet, the passage of each day made me feel increasingly distant, transforming me into an emotionless robot. The most alarming part was that I was doing exactly what I had vowed never to do: Neglect our sex life.
One of the crucial elements Aliki and I have recognized in our relationship is that sexual desire and passion aren’t self-sustaining. Our initial attraction towards each other was powerful and innate, but like all other facets of our relationship, our sex life requires nurturing. It might sound odd, but to keep it alive, occasional efforts need to be made. Thus, amidst this pandemic, our sex life must continue.
Preserving our sexual connection during a second lockdown
In a time when COVID-19 was not dominating our lives, we would have taken a short break to rejuvenate ourselves. Perhaps we’d have gone for a brief escape to the beach in Zeeland or indulged in a sensual weekend getaway to one of our preferred European cities.
But the pandemic has put a halter on all such activities. The virus surge in our area is gearing towards a second lockdown, prompting me to address the subject of sex and COVID.
The restrictions are severe – travel prohibitions, social distancing, closure of entertainment venues, and the imposition of a curfew. Yet, we remain resolute in our commitment to keep our sexual spark alive!
Our only alternative was a night’s stay in a rustic SPA hotel just a few miles from home. It might not have been luxurious, yet we jumped at the opportunity. We reserved their suite, ordered take-out meals, and even with the pandemic restriction of only a 30-minute pool slot, we seized the moment enthusiastically.
That short escape turned out to be magical. We connected physically, lazed around in the comfort of the bed, indulged in each other’s arms, rekindling the passionate love we have for each other. Being in a new surrounding might have contributed to the effect, but I believe, making an effort to prioritize our sex life sparked the magic.
This experience has emphasized the importance of the process rather than the end goal. In a time of uncertainty when planning ahead is not an option, it’s vital to remember that the effort made is what truly counts.
The chances of facing even stricter lockdown measures due to COVID are high. Yet, we remain unswayed in our resolve not to let a mere virus trample our love life!
Here are four fundamental guidelines to preserve the spark in your intimate life during a subsequent confinement:
- Be Proactive
In these unprecedented times, your initiative is crucial. It’s the odyssey itself, rather than the destination, that truly matters. Amid another lockdown, the limitations are apparent, but the potential for creativity is boundless. Explore unconventional options around you, whether it’s a tantalizing takeout, a sensual film, a luxurious bubble bath, or an amorous rendezvous in the park. Don’t fall prey to the misconception that effort equates to a dwindling intimate life. As long as you persist, the flame remains alive.
- Maintain Physical Health
Never underestimate the adverse impact of another lockdown on your physical health and mood. Prioritize your physical and mental wellbeing as much as possible under these circumstances. Regular workout routines might be easy to dismiss, but they provide a much-needed structure in our lives and pave the way for a healthier libido. Remember that a lack of physical activity may lead to a decline in bedroom activity as well – a scenario best avoided. Furthermore, balance your work and leisure times effectively. All work and no play indeed makes life tedious!
- Keep the Passion Alive
Despite the restrictions imposed by another lockdown, there’s a plethora of exciting options awaiting you. Remember those boxes filled with enticing toys and alluring attire? Put them to good use! Being at home doesn’t lessen their value. Sexiness isn’t just about the physical; it’s an attitude that can’t be faked. And maintaining contact with your like-minded friends, maybe even hosting a virtual rendezvous, can add a thrilling dimension.
- Practice Self-compassion
The most invaluable advice is to be gentle with yourself, especially if you, like me, tend to lean towards perfectionism. Holding high standards is admirable, but accepting the natural ebbs and flows in passion levels within a relationship is equally important. It’s okay to experience low periods; it’s all part of the journey. Remember, without the ebb, the flow would cease to exist! So, as the love of my life reassured me: don’t worry, this is just a phase. This too shall pass.